I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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