How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize