I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize