If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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