i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
