I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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