Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
