Cold hands, warm shart.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
