dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
