You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
operation have a gay friend backfired
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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