In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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