I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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