Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
