I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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