I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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