brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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