why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
