I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
