Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
