I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
