Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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