I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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