hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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