I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
