it wasn't lemon gatorade
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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