Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
