i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
