Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
