I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
