Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
