You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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