I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
