I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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