Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize