Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize