Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
