sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
