yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Enjoy the penises
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
