I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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