This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
