Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
