btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
