her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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