You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
