She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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