You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
