16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
