I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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