So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
