I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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