He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
