you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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