Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
