Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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