Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
