Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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