"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
there's paper in my vomit.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I have already put on my inside pants.
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