Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
