threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
