Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Watching her eat just hurts me
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
