Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
