Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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