my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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