When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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