In the future we'll all be gay
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
