Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Randomize
