am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just want to make out with him forever
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
