Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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