hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
