At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
