sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
