Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
