i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
