Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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